Mini Episode 8

Dear You,

If you are struggling with thoughts of self harm, or have been the victim of sexual assault & are in need of someone to talk to, head over to crisistextline.org. "Text 741741 from anywhere in the US to text with a trained Crisis Counselor. Crisis Text Line trains volunteers to support people in crisis."

Hannahs Letter:

Dear Me,

Hey there, it's yourself, writing to you in March of 2020. How's life treating you?

I guess that's an unnecessary question, since I've already lived it. I know that your life isn't the best right now. I know that you're struggling academically, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I know that you've had days where you can't get out of bed. 

But let me tell you something: It's going to get so much better. And I know that's the one thing you don't want to hear right now. But as someone who's lived through this struggle, I've come out on the other side so much stronger. I promise you that it will get better, even if you think that's an impossibility. 

And I'm not saying it's going to be easy, because that would be a lie. It's not easy to get better. But it will be worth it, because you're going to be ok. You might lose some friends, but I can tell you that you're going to feel better once they're not in your life. You're going to get better, even if right now it seems like you're always going to be stuck in this dark place. It's going to be ok, because you've got parents who care about you, and friends who will drop everything to answer your calls and help you feel better.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is this: hang in there kiddo. It's going to be ok. And I know this, because I'm you four months from now, and I'm doing ok. Not perfect, not even good all the time. But I'm doing ok, and that's all we can hope for. You've got this.

Love,

Me

Anonymous Letter:

Dear Me,

this is the first time that I am writing to you. I never thought that I would write a letter to you someday, and definitely not in a language, that is not my first language.

You know, right now is a very difficult time. And I am thinking about a lot of things, so…here is my letter to you.

I am sorry.

I am sorry that you had to go through eleven years of bullying, just because of being afraid to say anything. You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t listen to the people who say that. You are different, that’s true. But why should it be right to do all of those things to you, just because you listen to other music and just because you love acting for example? That’s just stupid and I want you to know that.

I am sorry for worrying so much, sometimes about things that are so easy. But that’s not bad. You are like this. And if you worry about something, tell someone. Don’t keep it all to yourself, I beg you. Don’t isolate yourself.

Try not to apologize so much. Don’t search for reasons to do so, because if you are honest – you want to apologize for existing. No, don’t do that. You have every right to be here. Replace some of that worry with a little hope.

I am sorry for all of the things I did to you in the past. I am sorry for the scars. No, you did not deserve it. Do you hear that? You did not. You don’t need to feel pain, you are not a burden and you don’t need to do this as a punishment. You won’t feel better after it, I promise. You don’t want to live with scars for the rest of your life, just to feel a little bit better for a second.

I am sorry for everything I did that was harmful to you. It was wrong. I wish there was any way to travel back in time, just to tell you that all of those people are wrong. You are a beautiful young woman, you are perfect. You don’t need to change. You don’t need to lose weight, it won’t make you happier – and by the way, you really don’t

need to. Look at you. And try to see all of the things that make you so amazing.

I am sorry for always telling people it was “okay”, when it was not. I am sorry for not saying anything to anybody when someone did things to you, you didn’t wanted. And that when all of this finally came up…that I said it wasn’t that bad. You have the right to feel all of this. What happened to you was not your fault, you did everything you could. I know you think it’s your fault that more girls have to deal with this now, but you are not the bad guy here. You are also a victim, you do not have to protect everyone and you deserve some love. Give yourself the care you give to others, just for once.

It’s more than okay to feel things. And it’s no shame if you start to cry, because you are happy. I know you are often ashamed because that happens so often. I know people think that’s a little weird. But also – it’s cute. You are literally a person that starts to cry when people tell you things like “I like you”. That means the world to you, I know. Don’t change that. It’s perfect.

I am sorry that you are alone most of the time. I know how lonely you are. But you are not alone. I know that you want specific people to be there for you, and they are not. But that doesn’t mean that you are alone. There is a difference, I know. I know exactly what you think now. But do you remember all of the hardest times in the past? And every time you felt like you had no one, someone appeared. Someone you did not expect. That’s just magical. You are not alone, to say it again. You just need to look a little bit harder.

And you know what? All of those things are not important. They don’t define you. I know, if you would be asked to describe you right now, you would just tell them all the things that are wrong with you. All of the mental illnesses you deal with. But that’s not who you are.

I see the obvious things: you are a talented young woman. You have an amazing voice and you can act the hell out of any part you get. You played lead roles everywhere for the past five years, and I am sure you can do that again and again. You are the most creative human being I know – I mean, girl, you wrote three theatre plays in the span of six months and you might even stage some of them now. How amazing is that? Try to see the amazing things you did until now and the things you will do in the future.

So many people look up to you, there are people who want to be like you. Can you imagine that?

You are a warrior. You are a survivor. After everything people did to you, everything you did to yourself: you are still standing here. You are not broken, You are so strong.

You are beautiful. I want you to see that. You always tell everyone that they are beautiful as they are and that they don’t have to change. Please tell that to yourself.

I know I can’t change what happened. And I know it’s not easy. I want to tell you that someday it will be over, but I can’t right now. It’s still hard. You will have to tell yourself all of this every day. You will have to fight every day. But you can do this. You are so much stronger than you think. And it will get better, even though it’s not over. It will be a little bit easier.

Think of the wonderful things in life. Think of the people you look up to, be inspired. Take some time for yourself, write, sing, act, but also relax a little bit. Listen to music, listen to podcasts. I don’t know; just do something just for you and not for anybody else.

And also think of other things: hugs, because I know you love them. How it feels when the sun shines on your face. Smile a little bit more, because it makes you even more beautiful.

Think of the possibility of love someday. You will find love, there is someone out there.

You want to achieve so many things, you can do it. I know you can. Take a breath and begin again.

I love you.

Sincerely, me.

And yes, pun intended.

Want to write a letter that could be featured on a future episode? Email us at dearmelovemepodcast@gmail.com

Love,

Us