Mini Episode 9

Dear You,

Here are the 2 letters from Kris & Max

Kris:

Dear Kris, 

  

You are about to audition for governor’s school of north carolina’s theatre program. You are definitely nervous, but don’t worry you get in! You also start to doubt your talent and worth as an actor. You start to think about every other reason why you got in besides your talent. You start to think that you got in because they needed a black boy in the program. You start to think that they only wanted one person from your county. You start to think that your best friend who got cut did not get in because you were barely better than her. STOP IT! Even if any of those things are true, you got in because you’re talented. You worked hard to grow and learn for opportunities like these so don’t belittle yourself to being a “token” black kid, because you are talented. Don’t forget it bud.

Love,

 Kris

Dear me,

Wow! Freshman year! Your high school journey is about to begin, and you're gonna end up at the last place you thought you would go to school at; a yeshiva. That's right! You, a very reform Jew, are going to end up at an orthodox jewish school with no idea what you're doing. And you're gonna have to tackle the big D: depression. And by the end of the year, you're gonna end up with a diagnosis you never thought you'd get. Here are some little tips and tricks to keep in mind throughout the year. 

1. You have a boyfriend. You adore him and you really enjoy spending time with him. He makes you feel really nice, you have great conversations with him, and he seems to really care about you. And that's great! You're going to think he's really going to help your mental state. But here's some advice. Despite how much you adore him, he really can't handle you when you're having a mental breakdown. There's nothing wrong with that; but you need to either find someone who can support you or drop him. Eventually, you will go your separate ways for other reasons, but it wouldn't hurt to break up with him a little sooner so you have more time to focus on you and your mental health. 

2. There's going to be a lot of people at your school who don't quite understand you. And that's ok! Everyone has their own battles and their own struggles and it's not their job to worry about your's. But please keep in mind that not everyone is against you. Sure, those bullies at your school may make a big impact on how you think the school thinks of you, but you know what? Don't listen to them. They're assholes. And keep in mind, that's only 5 people out of a school of 65 people. 

3. You're no stranger to mental health challenges, but you've never been depressed before. You're going to feel that you're the only person in the world who's going through what you're going through. But you're not. There are millions of people worldwide who are also fighting this fight. You actually know a good number of people who have gone through this and emerged a winner; talk to those people and see what words of wisdom they have to offer. Trust me, you won't regret it.

4. You're going to have fights with your family. Big, huge, screaming and cussing fights. You're familiar with these fights, but you're not familiar with them being so frequent. In times like these, just bear in mind that they will eventually come around. They really are trying to do what's best for you. You may think that they're not, but you're wrong buckaroo- they love and care about you more than you realize, and they want nothing more than to see you happy again. Despite all the screaming and name calling. 

5. Medicine seems like a scary thing. You're no stranger to medicine but when you hear words like "antipsychotic", you get a little bit intimidated. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor questions. You've been seeing her for years, she knows you very well, and she knows a lot about what she does- so don't hesitate to ask her questions and speak up about problems you're having with a medicine. And most importantly: trust her. She's been through at least 10 years of medical school. She knows what she's doing. 

6. Dude. You're breaking out. Your skin is oily and pimple-y, and its gonna impact your self esteem a lot. Please, for the sake of your older self who wants to look at photos of you without cringing, wash your fucking face. Just a simple face scrub will do the trick. Please. 

7. Eventually, you're going to realize that this school just isn't the right fit for you. You're going to hate a lot of things about it, and that's fine. But don't be so scared about switching to the public school. You've heard some bad things about the school, sure, but the reality is you're going to meet some of the closest friends you've ever had at that school. Unlike your old school, you're going to find friends with your same interests and passions, and you're going to be so so glad you switched. 

8. Don't be so shy about your love and passion for theatre! So what if people think you're "gay" for it? Are they wrong? You are definitely gay! Don't lie to people you just meet saying you're into baseball when in reality you don't know anything about it. Just be authentically you! And never, ever doubt your theatrical talent. You are an amazing actor and singer, and you're only going to get better and better, and in Junior year when you're going to play Mark in Rent- one of your biggest dream roles. 

9. By the end of the school year, you're going to start with a new therapist and over the span of a few weeks she's going to carefully study your mental health until she gives you a diagnosis that you NEVER thought you'd get. The big ol' B2D. Bipolar 2 disorder. This is going to be hard for you to digest. Its gonna take a little while for you to accept yourself. And you know what? That's absolutely valid. Stuff like this is hard. It takes time to accept stuff like this, and that's ok. You're going to think this new and scary label will mean your life is going to fall to pieces. But if you step back and think, you're still the same person. You've had these symptoms for months now; there's just a fancy label for it now. You're still you. Your symptoms will be treated thanks to amazing doctors, and you'll soon feel things will return to normal. 

10. There will be times throughout this year you feel that there is nobody there for you. Nobody who'd notice if you just dissapeared one day. You'll find yourself very very annoying and wonder why anyone would care about you at all. You'll think that just because you don't really have any friends at school, you're not worth anything to anyone. But that is false. You still have plenty of friends through theatre and through other extracurriculars who love you to death. They have chosen you out of a million people they could've chosen to be your friend. They don't care if you're annoying. They don't care if you're a pessimist. They care that you're happy and they care that you're thriving. So go text someone! Go ask to get coffee at that adorable little cafe in Seattle called Joe Bar with someone you don't know very well. You only have one life and one shot. Go make the most of it. 

You're going to learn more about yourself than you ever have in 1 school year this year. Its gonna have ups and downs, friends will come and friends will go. You'll have crushes on a lot of guys. You're going to learn what a hypomanic state is. You're going to discover a passion for theatre. And you know what? Every fucking one of these things are great. Being self aware is AWESOME. You're going to look back on this year and be like "wow. That was one hell of a rollercoaster. I'm so glad that happened." Savor it. Sit back, relax, keep your arms hands feet and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and enjoy the ride. 

Love,

Me. 

Dear,

Us